Gosh, sometimes titles are really not my friend
I wrote most of this listening to the Fray’s new album. Right around the song “I can barely say” to be specific… If you like soundtracks to your reading (I know I do)
Well, these past two weeks have been pretty rough I’m not gonna lie. But it’s pretty great to have such an awesome family around you through tough times, even the fam from different blood. I’m writing this at what feel like late Sunday night but now is actually Monday morning. I noticed today that almost exactly one week from today will mark the official end to my time of treatment. I also noticed that I get to see my favorite band in concert on that exact same day. AND I it will mark a time of EXACTLY 3 full months from the time I was first admitted in to the hospital to the end of treatment…wow. Funny thing about that is not long before this I was struggling in trusting God’s ability to pull through in a time span of exactly three months on a particular situation that was cut short by my sickness. However I’m still hopeful about this situation, even though, in my eyes, it required me living in San Diego. He is teaching me to not to limit Him to only what my mind can grasp. It’s pretty humbling and hard to learn.
I have also had some time to write over the months (in between the times of feeling like spit with an h). I actually just finished one song that I am really pumped about and hope to play it or record it here soon 
For all you lovely people who came out to the benefit night I would like to offer my most humble thank you for all your love that you have so abundantly poured over my family and I. I would have loved to be there and play for you some songs for the Envoy project but unfortunately I was running a fever and my immune system was pretty wiped out.
So I had an idea of how I can record some of my new songs and put them up on the Envoy website so hopefully that will work out and I’ll let you all know very soon!
-Cheers then
21
Figured I’d stay up till midnight tonight to see if 21 felt any different than 20…nope, not really. Sure you have more responsibility because now you are considered an adult, and you can’t really use excuses that have to do with you just being young and dumb, but the feel of it is no different. I have to say though I wasn’t really expecting to be where I am at this point and time. I predicted on my birthday I would probably have lunch or dinner with my Cali parents, then go out with my roomies to some jazz club or just somewhere to hear good music just because I could, and it would be great. Not to say it won’t be great but I didn’t expect to by sitting here in Georgia tonight writing this post scratching my bare scalp while hairs and roots continue to fall onto my computer. Sorry if this sounds like I’m depressed cuz I’m really not; I had a great night tonight hangin with one of my best buds. It’s just not what I expected, and I have to adjust.
I was thinking tonight about what a great opportunity I have on my hands. I have been given a spotlight, under an unfortunate circumstance but a spotlight nonetheless, that I want to use to thrive through a tough spot and to remind everyone that the life we have is a gift and what we make of it is our choice. I hope I can look back on all this and say that I never missed a beat, that I never doubted His plan and that I’m now a better man because of it. And maybe, just maybe someone can see the light that guides me and want it personally for themselves. That’s the hope, and that’s what I’m living for… that hope.
Round 2 Done
Well, I haven’t posted any video updates or blogs since I have been back in Ga, sorry if any of you were devestated ha. I’ve been busy getting settled in my new place as well as getting to see many close friends I haven’t seen in sometime. My family and I also met my new oncologist soon after we got back in town and I really like him. He is very easy to understand compared to my previous doc who was Korean, but he also explains things very well in a way I can follow.
I have definitely already been missing my San Diego home and family though. I often wonder what my roomies have been doing since I’ve been gone and I really miss the spontaneous excursions to get some good grub or just to walk to seven eleven to get a slurrpee. There have been lots of times where I would think to myself I couldn’t imagine a better living arrangement with three great friends, and I miss those guys. Also just my community of family around the Diego is dearly missed.
Been feelin pretty weird lately from all the chemicals I guess. So I apologize if I have been stand-off-ish or whatever. Everyone keeps asking how I’m feeling and every time I don’t really have an answer. I honestly don’t know how to describe how I’m feeling physically and sometimes emotionally. It’s definitely just a state of blur that I have to push through to function. Right now I’m having to get through the nausea feeling of everyday. It’s like always being on the verge of getting sick so you want to be cautious but you figure you’ve been feeling like this for so long that nothing will really happen, and constantly being in between the two.
So for all you prayin folks out there, I can use some this week for just spending time with the Lord and in the word. Right now my physical state of confusion and fatigue has made it harder than I can ever remember to give Jesus the full devotion He deservers in my everyday. And of course for the journey ahead, that I’ll be ready to put my feet down wherever that light is shown.
Video Update 3
My counts came up a lot today and I’m feeling pretty swell.
Oh and the going away shin digg thing is tomorrow (Sunday January 8th) at Terry and Sharon Prang’s cali surf palace from 5 to 9. Feel free to pop in and out or stay the whole time. 5615 Tulane St SD 92122. Pizza will be served, feel free to bring drinks and snacks if you want.
A match instead of a lightswitch
Sometimes I think we have to accept that we can only see the path for our feet for one day at a time (today) and be OK with that. Believe me, it’s pretty tough but I believe it’s what walking by faith is all about. There are tons of things that I felt were carefully planned in my future that, in one day, were completely dis-configured into a ball or uncertainty. But uncertainty is a funny thing because potential becomes limitless in mystery. Maybe a bit cliche maybe but hang in there with me. Just think about the options that open up when all your former plans go out the window and you are forced to rethink everything you had planned from the ground up. It kind of gives you the chance check your priorities as well as your motives for the things you planned. I feel like I’m learning about this even as I write.
Just some thoughts I had today when I was alone and I thought I would share with yall. If you are the praying type I would love if you could send one up for me today. Not just for healing, but clarity for what’s next and that I will have the courage to knock down any heavy walls that have been built to keep me from seeing the lesson to be learned from all this. The journey is the destination.
I’m not great with titles
Well I know last time I said this blog would be only for recording the journey of the Envoy project, but this is going to sort of tweak the whole beginning. So I guess this is just for the folks who want to know more of what’s goin on
It’s been a pretty crazy few days. My wisdom teeth had been bothering me pretty bad for a little while and my gums and cheeks started to swell. Then I noticed my neck started to swell and didn’t really think anything about it. But after that I started to have flu-like systems and couldn’t sleep so something had to give. Sunday morning I woke up and my neck was bigger than a goiter on steroids but it was our Christmas service at Elevate and I was playing lead guitar and leading some songs. I couldn’t sing so I had to get my man Thomas to sing all my songs and I would just still play all my guitar parts. The service went awesome but I was feeling like someone had their hands around my neck trying to choke me but I just didn’t know what else to do. Luckily I have good friends in the medical field that were nice enough to let me know that my swelling was not normal and couldn’t just be from my wisdom teeth ha. So my friend Greg got in touch with a friend of his who was working at Sharp memorial who was available to see me. They got me in so fast and started with a chest x-ray and followed that with a ct scan. From those two tests they came back and said they found a large mess in my chest and it was causing veins close to my heart to clog and looked a lot lymphoma. So me with my vast knowledge of medical terms and conditions took the information in stride thinking I would probably be outta there in no time but I figured I should text my folks just to let em know what was going on (and to maybe find out what the heck lymphoma was). Of course they quickly let me know it was a pretty big thing and before I knew it I lots of close friends around my bed and both my parents were getting on a plane to come see me. By the time they got to SD I was already in my own room and had been admitted to the hospital.
The next couple of days were absolutely jam packed with nothin but a bunch of waiting and testing. We starting meeting with my oncologist and we were pretty certain that everything looked like lymphoma but they were still waiting on test results from the biopsy to come back to know for sure. So finally the doc came in to the room and started writing these really big words on the board: Mediastinal Germ-cell Tumor – Seminomatous… Yup our thoughts exactly “What the crap is that?” Apparently my condition was first developed when I was a fetus and is somewhat a rare condition. We asked the doc if this is better or worse news than lymphoma and he said it was about like comparing apples to oranges. So we have now started some pretty intense treatments of Chemo and will continue for the next 4 days, after that my white blood cell count is gonna go way down. Then we will evaluate how everything is going and will probably finish up the out-patient treatments in GA.
I have some people ask me if I’m scared or what I’m thinking and honestly no, I’m not scared. I know He hasn’t brought me all this way for me to call it quits here, in fact I think He wants to use this as a catalyst for what is to come next. And He has revealed way to much of what He has planned for me to do next that I could simply stand on that and know He isn’t done with me. So my hope is that this time of rest is used wisely and that I can grow all the more diligent in the work I know I’m supposed to do, and who knows the songs will come out of this whole experience.
The Envoy
As many of you know I’m starting this new music project in February called The Envoy. No not like the GMC, more like a messenger or representative (look it up). Anyway, I absolutely cannot wait to get this thing started, and I thought it would be a good idea to keep all you lovin folks up to date on the progress as things start to fall into place. So, without further adieu, this blog will simply be dedicated to doing just that. Thanks friends!
